Zieglerisims

John Ziegler's Unique Observations and Insights on the Human Condition

ON MARRIAGE:
"Statistics have proven time and again that the institution of marriage is invalid. After all, 50% of all marriages are confirmed failures... while the other 50% end in divorce."

ON GAMBLING:
"Most people seem to think legalized gambling is immoral and destructive. I see it as simply a tax on people who are unable to grasp basic math."

ON SEX:
"Bad sex is usually better for the man than the woman... unless he has a conscience, while great sex is usually better for the woman... unless she happened to grow up as a Catholic... or is socially impotent

ON BASEBALL:
"Baseball is much like liberalism and organized religion... it seems like a great idea when you're young, but then most people grow up and get a clue."

ON KIDS:
"No wonder our kids are so confused. We tell them to never lie, don't expect something for nothing, and never take candy FROM strangers. Then we convince them there is a Santa Claus who brings free gifts and eats the leftover Halloween treats you leaves for him..."

ON THE NORTH VS THE SOUTH:
"The North may have won the Civil War and possesses most of the centers of business, commerce, education and culture... but the South still has sweet tea."

ON THE SUPERNATURAL:
"While there are no such things as ghosts, aliens, or fairies... Elvis, Michael Jackson and Richard Simmons appear to have been at least partially real..."

ON MEDICINE:
"You have to wonder about modern medicine for the mind when they make depressed people pay for medication that will make it more difficult for them to eat, sleep, and have sex."

ON WOMEN AND GOD:
"The female figure is the greatest known evidence that there might be a God... but the female psyche is an indication that this God has a very sick sense of humor."

ON HAVING AN OPEN MIND:
"I am probably the most open-minded person in the world... and damn it, nobody can change my mind about that."

ON SEX AND THE SINGLE MAN:
"Great sex for a single man is a lot like playing tennis. It's fun, recreational in nature, makes you sweat, requires a partner of equal ability and the objects is to avoid "LOVE" at all costs..."